You know what EQ is, but are you? 

“Emotional intelligence is a way of recognizing, understanding, and choosing how we think, feel, and act. It defines how and what we learn; it allows us to set priorities; it determines the majority of our daily actions.” 

  - J. Freedman

I know.

It turns out emotional intelligence isn’t just a buzzword, and it definitely isn’t limited to personal relationships. In fact, the connection between emotional intelligence and leadership has only become more apparent in the last few years.  

You might know a few old-school CEOs who believe emotion has no place in the workplace, but think back to the workplaces you were the happiest and most-productive in. I’m willing to bet that respect and empathy were a big part of your experience. I’m also willing to bet that the leaders there demonstrated a high degree of self-awareness. 

EQ isn’t IQ! 

While most people are unlikely to significantly improve their IQ, they can significantly improve their emotional intelligence (EQ). Your IQ and skills might get you the top spot, but they won’t get you to your full potential.  

Learning to manage your emotions and understand the emotions of others will help you move mountains. 

Psychologist Daniel Goleman didn’t invent the concept, but his 1995 book Emotional Intelligence made the compelling case that EQ is a hallmark of effective leadership. To make EQ easier to understand and develop, Goleman broke it down into five elements: self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation, empathy, and social skills. 

Here are the 5 elements you need to cultivate your emotional intelligence: 

1. Self-Awareness: Why do you feel the way you do right now? Having a conscious knowledge of your character, feelings, motives, and desires - including where your strengths and weaknesses lie - is a game-changer. You’re able to not only recognize and understand your own emotions, but also how they affect others. Being self-aware helps you appear more competent, leverage your strengths, and avoid bad habits.  

Self-awareness is table stakes for any great leader. 

2. Self-Regulation: A good leader has the capacity to stay calm under pressure, resist impulsive actions, and persist in the face of challenges. Identifying your emotions isn’t enough, though. People with high EQ also control their emotions and make intentional decisions. Sometimes that means taking a deep breath and asking a question when you just want to tell someone they're completely wrong.  

2. Self-Motivation: While it's important to think before you act, you must not, "Make thoughts your aim" as Rudyard Kipling once wrote. You always need to set challenging goals, look for ways to improve, and be ready to overcome obstacles. Self-motivation, the third component of EQ, is fundamental to effective leadership. A leader sets an example for their team by demonstrating their inner drive, strong sense of purpose, and willingness to take action. This ability to truly take initiative is what separates the good from the great. 

4. Empathy: Again, the ability to identify and even control your own emotions isn’t enough.  You also need to recognize and understand the emotional state of those around you. Listening to your team, demonstrating your understanding, and offering genuine support foster a collaborative and supportive professional environment. Empathy enhances communication, strengthens personal bonds, and promotes trust. You might have a “good enough” team, but with empathy in the mix, you’ll lead an unstoppable team.  

5. Social skills: We've all had our awkward moments along the way. Maybe you overshared or repeated something someone else just said. Unfortunately, low social skills are a barrier to leadership success. Like the other emotional intelligence factors, however, your social skills can be improved. Like empathy, the best way to improve your social skills is to pay close attention to what other people are saying and doing. Listen more and speak less.  

Here are 4 practical tips to become more emotionally intelligent: 

1. Use the, "name it to tame it" technique to label your emotions. When you experience a strong emotion, stop and identify exactly what you’re feeling. Once you realize what you're feeling, you can more-effectively control that feeling.  

2. Don’t hesitate to honestly evaluate your strengths, weaknesses, and motivation. Ask others for feedback and look for differences between how you perceive yourself and how others see you. 

3. Look back on how you've made decisions in the past. Were they based on information or emotion? Before you move forward, analyze what you’re feeling and evaluate how those emotions are influencing your decisions. 

4. Work on active listening. By definition, leaders are always moving forward while active listening requires you to be present and in the moment. This one takes practice, but the best leaders I've ever worked with had an incredible ability to give someone their FULL attention despite everything else they could be doing. Napoleon was well-known for this. 

Whether you're struggling to build relationships with your team or not getting recognized for the great work you do, investing time and energy into these EQ skills will have a solid ROI.  

Follow Jon Cobb Coaching on LinkedIn for more insights and strategies.